Saturday, March 29, 2008 . 17:03

f*ck f*ckety f*ck f*ck f*ck.

well done?

bullshit.




sigh.

on a separate note, an email i got:

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________ ________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: ; Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was gettin' laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS : Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 P.M.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at t he time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: &nb sp;No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008 . 19:54

laleelah. i have been feeling really happy lately.

and i have no idea why.

anyway! today was gep camp!

we ponned 20 minutes of keynote address and then etc etc, had 1 hour recess, then super slack personal grooming elective for 4 hours minus 1 hour for lunch (soccer) and 1 for early dismissal

hahaha i need a toner! ok random.

yeahh it was really fun. nick ng (aka course-crasher) leon kenneth zach and cal were there. and there was super-on joshua wee. (like wtf, he took notes and asked questions)

hahah and dave tay rocks. seriously. e.g.:

"i know some of you trim or shave your pubic hair..."

*laughter*

"just be sure to cut properly. or else you might cut off the wrong..thing."

*more laughter*

"it wont come back! forever!"

hahahah yeah thats dave tay.

mmm,

then like a non-sucky training for once! (hahaha yes, girl, its that, and not that i got abducted by aliens and felt really really bored in their ufo)

our ten men boat burned the sec 4 ten men and c div 20 men.

and our b div twenty men owned too.

yup then i took a really long detour to my bus stop causing me to miss my bus and come home quite quite late. (your fault, leon. and nicholas)




lang arts lessons are the love, i swear.

teacher: "and no more wooting!"
us: *woot*


"there is no need to clap!"
*applause*

:D

Monday, March 24, 2008 . 19:23

bulll...

wait for it..

...

wait for it..

shit.

thats right. utter bullshit.

dont spread rubbish about me. i mean, i guess you honestly think its true, and i guess thats kind of my fault but, whatever, its not.

Friday, March 21, 2008 . 22:35

well. im sorry.

really.

but i guess it sorta just had to be done?

Tuesday, March 18, 2008 . 20:27

oh great. schools here again.

well. actually, it isnt so bad, with our class. you cant go through a lesson without having a laugh like, seven times. and thats minimum.

so anyway yesterday was al-right i guess. training sucked cause we are damn unstable in apache. but i kind of stopped caring like. 3 days ago.

so anyway during debrief a stray siberian huskey ran right into the midst of the group of us. and started harassing everyone. sheng jian screamed.

oh anyway it was damn cute. and like it squeezed itself into the drain.

and later when we were using the taps at the toilet.

guess what. she was there again. hahaha and she likes the water. so everyone just keep pressing the tap for her. i had to postpone my bathing for 10 minutes.


then like. today. everyone was chionging math like mad.

(oh yes and yesterday our seating arrangement was changed. i swear, it worse now. 4 gamers in a row? and no prefect behind our 4 people block? what a joke.)

yeah and my phone got confiscated. hmph.

oh well. dragonboat was ok. quite fun in fact. i was point man cause leon and nick went to the sec 4 boat.

"seven-eight! nine! ten!"

oh the breathing-exercise-AC thing was retarded. but cool.


ahh my phone D:

sucks.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008 . 22:26

i still find this immensely amusing:

"Splosh!

Capsize today lorx.
He tried something new,
rowed a funny pull,
blades sucked into water,
flop he goes down.

I row until sian,
go there see can help,
sitting on the water,
taking his rubber band,
escort him out of lanes.

Went too close his face,
gonna bash his head,
faster turn left evade,
boat play rock'n'roll,
slap 5 times in 1 sec,
failed to hold myself.

Lollerskates! ARH! What on earth am i doing. SHIT!
I am not pissed i capsized.
I am sad at the fact that my reason of capsize is too lame.

:)"

taken from www.rowfastly.blogspot.com

for blockheads, its about 2 people capsizing.


anyway. retardedness aside, life has been (somewhat-kindof-alittle-sorta) great. mm lets start off with friday. the last day of school. yup hooray hooray.

we had training. joon kiat and i tried again. we used the stingray. and it. was. PHAIL

capsized twice Dx

ok whatever. it deterred me not as i proceeded to go for scouts(dota) camp. yeah so we arrived, whatever whatever and then night came. (everyone gasp)

and guess what. night=we dont sleep cause we are sentry=dota all night(well, almost)

so next day. had useless dc where nick lee reuben brian and i slacked through. (meaning hiding behind the tennis courts when we were supposed to be picking litter)

um then i went back to camp. and dota-ed again :D

hiphiphooray for dota.

uh yes then leon left for dental. then whatever whatever then night came again.

you dont have to read this:

oh yeah gerald sim is a bastard who has no sense of time. cause to him a quick PLC=2 hours. oh yeah we still owned in the water bomb fight :D. like our strat rocked. we had like a "fort" right, made out of tables and chairs. and we were greatly outnumbered both in terms of people and bombs.

so right we decided to do this. first, we have like 4 people to chiong and tank all the dmg. and then like at the same time some people backdoor them. while the rest of us be pussies and hide behind the fort. so like once they run out of bombs, they will all like be in the open and stuff. so we chiong out and whack all of them. we rock :D

ok you can start reading again:

so where was i. oh right night. (ooh reminds me of balanar) um yeah this time we dota-ed through. oh and we played hero siege. and um uthers party. uh ya.

-end of camp- (basically we dota-ed alot. go service scouts! :D)

ok so uhh. sunday.

slept.

yup so monday.

had a really good training for once.

caught sky love! i swear, the guy's hair is damn cool. i want that kind of hair.

tuesdayyyy.

first dragonboat training in a year. alright i guess. i still dont know whats wrong with my stroke. uh uh im sure more happened but right now i have a mental block so. oh well..

right, wednesday. lets start with 2am

i woke up to my brothers playing of the guitar. yeah what a retard.

yep then i talked on the phone. haha yes and those were really weird ghost stories.

uhh yes then i woke up at 9. then i went back to sleep. then i woke up at 10.15 again. shuddup. im not weird.

yep so basically msn-ed/sms-ed/phoned/dota-ed/studied/hwked the whole way until 6 (mostly of the first 4).

hahaha INSIST AND DESIST XD

ah yes then tuition. i had some malay p4 guy. it was really an unexpected challenge teaching him cause he really doesnt know many things.

yup a good exposure nonetheless!

and yes. so thats what i have been up to.


oh and darling i swear im not retarded xD

Tuesday, March 04, 2008 . 23:15

mmmmmmmmmm, long time no post ehh.

uh well lets break this post up

tests

academics can kiss my ass. (in other words. i didnt do really well)

uyo

hooray founders day is over. no more friday shit practices under the hot sun with KT. and guess what. after all the warm weather we practiced in. it rained during the parade. and TT was late. so. like yeah. we were standing there in the rain cramping up. emcees tried their best to stall for time.

heh. didnt work.

hahah lanning till 1 and eating chocolate fudge cakes with plastic cups ftw.

training

3 words. we. suck. balls.


ok thats it thank you.

i love succinct posts.